Pressure …

When I go through something in my life that has had a traumatic effect on me, I just kind of try to get over it. A lot of things that occurred in my childhood, I forgot about because I just blocked those things out. But when I incarnated as a Creator every piece of hurt, every piece of pain came back so I could deal with it. I thought I was healed and then came more pressure…

I made a huge decision in January to walk away from a toxic situation. Everyday I tell myself to block it out and keep moving. But today I realized that’s not healing. Prior to now, I keep seeing these flashes in my mind of a bruised up woman. A fearsome woman. A woman with no voice.I immediately change the scene in my mind and try to think of something else but that just leads to more pressure…

I hate that I allowed my Self to forget who I am and my worth. I hate that I took punches from men and swore they loved me. I hate that I made my Self small while allowing a demon to appear larger than Self. I hate that I feel like I “ can’t talk about it” because how that might make the abusers feel. I hate that I blame my Self. So much pressure…

I hold so much regret towards Self and have completely forgiven the individuals who have hurt me. I want to break free of this thinking. I have worked so hard just to see who I am. If I forgive abusers I can forgive my Self. There is a bible verse that says “Lord please forgive them, they know not what they do.” That literally goes in both directions. So let’s release that pressure so we can live….freely.

I forgive my Self for forgetting that Source lives in me. I forgive my Self for not understanding how much that is truly worth. I forgive my Self for taking punches from individuals who also did not recognize The Most High.I love my Self for growing into a being that is larger than life and has so much authority that she puts demons in their place.

And to the me that is still caught up in that toxic energy; I love you. Some things you may not understand yet but please don’t give up. Those little internal inclinations you keep receiving, LISTEN TO IT! I keep whispering to you for a reason. You are beautiful, intelligent and more than capable. If you feel like you don’t have the strength to leave, just remember a moment in our childhood where we felt free. That’s what is waiting for us on the other side of this. Bliss, freedom and love…. pure love.